Q: What's the most important tip in this book?
A: The most important tip for me is to listen. I have to tell myself to listen all the time because it doesn't come naturally. Out of the 15 tips, Listen is three of them. It is very important that I hear not only my wife's words but her heart.
Q: Do you have to be married to relate to this book?
A: I believe that it will benefit men that are married most but the tips are universal. When the tips are applied they can help strengthen any relationship.
Q: How can Husband Rules help someone on the verge of divorce?
A: It depends on if he wants to be married. If he is willing to build again then Husband Rules can be a great building block. If your heart is not into being married, there is nothing this book or any marriage book can do for you. Husband Rules can transform your marriage if you are willing to open your heart and invest time into building a strong marriage.
Q: Husband Rules is so different from your other books. Why did you write this book?
A: I wrote Husband Rules for myself initially. I wanted to write a book that related to issues that I deal with. Reading marriage books is like reading about dieting. There is a lot of restriction, which works while you are on it, but the minute you are off you are in a worse state than before. I wrote Husband Rules so that men could incorporate the tips to change their perspective on marriage. I am tired of seeing us lose in marriage because we don't have the proper tools and perspective. If Husband Rules helps one husband not to quit on his marriage, it was well worth it.
Husband Rules is no different than my other books, the central focus is love. I feel when we see love, we change. I want men to realize the power of having a good marriage. To know that you have one person that will have your back unconditionally is priceless. As men, we can get caught up in trying to be successful that we ignore the gift of love in front of us. Husband Rules refocuses our vision to what truly is important; love. Why not invest our energy in something that will not depreciate? Writing the book was not easy. I had to confront many issues that were uncovered in the process. I had a lot to work on but I can say I am grateful to have gone through the experience.
Q: Anything else you would like to add?
I don’t have all the answers. I am not the perfect husband and I am not trying to be. I just want to love the woman that makes me happy. I want to give her the best me. Just like in sports, you learn the plays then you practice them. Through practice, you learn how to execute and master them. When I got married I did not have a playbook. I was a 20 years old learning how to be a husband on the fly. Through the years I picked up some plays that have helped me in my marriage. That is what I share in this book.
No More Participation Awards
If you played youth sports you received a certificate of participation. The thing is no one cherishes participation awards. Regardless if we want one or not we all receive participation awards for our life. Our life has to have more meaning than a cheap certificate acknowledging that we lived. Participating does not mean you are winning only existing.
The truth is a lot of us are content with just participating. Not you. You are not content with just existing you want more out of life that is why you are reading this right now. You don’t want to go through the motions you want to live with a sense of purpose and meaning. Deep down you know that you possess greatness. The thing is we all do but few pursue their greatness. You are one of the few that will not accept participating without engaging at the highest level. You will push yourself regardless of who is there to support you. You will win because you don’t accept losing. You don’t take no for an answer.
The point is we all can be tempted to settle for less than who we are. But we know what settling get us. A certificate of participation is something you receive no matter if you win or lose. You receive a birth certificate when you are born and a death certificate when you die. What happens in between is your choice. You write your life’s story through your choices and actions. Don’t settle for just existing, your life has meaning. Find out what you were born to do and don’t waste time, do it now. When you do your life with be filled with rewarding experiences that will leave a story to tell the generations to come.
If we are honest, we like to be distracted. We don’t want to see ourselves without the filters we carry with us. So we play make believe. Trying desperately to prove that we belong and that we are not a waste of space. We want to be someone more than what we feel we are. So we play pretend. We put on our capes and dress the part of super heroes with special powers able to do the impossible. We ignore anything that resembles truth because the lies look and sound better. The lies are louder. We like loud because there is a pain that can only be heard in silence. That pain is what keeps us from being who we are. It hurts too much to confront yet we can’t escape it. The truth is there is nothing scarier than loving yourself unconditionally. I mean every aspect of you. Everything.
How can you love your mistakes?
How can you accept your flaws?
True love is scary because it causes you to let go of your capes and filters and fully expose yourself with no condemnation attached to you. It causes you to confront the person in the mirror. You have to face reality which is not always pretty. It is not refined and it is not always attractive. The unmasked you is worthy of love and worthy to love. When you take the hard road of self-acceptance you discover that loving yourself is your superpower. That is your gift to share with the world. Meaning the world is easy to point out what is wrong with you. There is a long list of things that show how imperfect you are. But Love is what matters, everything else is a distraction. When you love unconditionally it gives your surroundings to do the same. You empower others to accept themselves. You free them from the monsters they have been tormented by in their minds. You show the world that we don't have to put on a cape to have the power we already possess the power.
You are a superhero. You have the power to change the world through the love in you. You don't have to play pretend, you are the real thing.
There is one thing that can stop a dream before it starts; non-action. You can say you believe in your dreams but never take action towards reaching them. When you don't act on your dreams, you forget about them. Life happens and as reality sets in you have no time to dream. The life you want may be a fantasy, it may seem impossible but what is wrong with that? What is wrong with having a dream so big that it scares you? It is okay to be scared as long as you don't let fear stop you from action. Your actions reinforce your beliefs.
You are more than able to reach your dreams. More importantly you can live the dream now. Your actions now may seem insignificant but they are purposeful. They shape your life and prepare you for where you are going. Keep believing in yourself. No matter how hard the journey may see, you are worth it. Your life matters. Your dreams matter go live them out.